I was just reminiscing about last year at this time...

It was Tim's birthday, and while he was gone at work I was out doing errands and ended up taking a pregnancy test in the Target bathroom. I didn't even wait for the results! I threw it in my purse and didn't check it for a bit. When I checked it I was shocked to find a faint line. I debating whether or not to think much of it, afterall it could have just been a evaporation line from sitting out for too long.

I ended up showing Tim... I wasn't sure if he would think it was a birthday gift or if it would ruin his birthday since we weren't planning another child until Ella was around 3 years old. She had just turned 1 a couple weeks ago at that point. We ended up deciding not to think much of it... I actually put off taking another one for over 3 weeks! It just wasn't a good time! We were in the process of moving, Tim had just started school at Crown, and we really wanted a planned baby!

That was one thing I really struggled with during my pregnancy... I really wanted a planned baby! My disapointment grew as I realized that another baby was going to interfere with our perfectly happy, managable lives. I tried to remember that God planned it... But I didn't believe that was actually better... Until she was born.

All throughout my pregnancy I worried about what life with two small children would look like. I worried that I would be home bound because of the increased difficultly of caring for them when we weren't home. I worried that Ella would get lost in the shuffle and I wouldn't have very much time for her anymore. And I REALLY worried that I wouldn't love another baby as much as Ella. In fact I was worried that I wouldn't love the new baby at all. I also worried about Ella's reaction. I did everything to prepare her for a new sibling, but at her young age I just had no idea how she was going to act toward her new baby sister.

The first moment that I saw little Lucy I absolutely fell in love with her. I don't know what it was the second time around, because I didn't fall in love with Ella immeadiately. In fact, with Ella, I felt like she was a stranger for the first couple of days.

Now I truly do believe that God's timing was absolutely perfect. And I feel so incredibly blessed.